28 December 2013
17 December 2013
24 November 2013
13 November 2013
04 November 2013
21 October 2013
I don't have much time, transfer week and all.
I am being transferred to Moreno Valley with Sister Gowans. Sister Pack made STL (Sister Training Leader) which is essentially, Sister AP.
Well. Life is good. I'm happy. I don't want to leave to Moreno Valley. I was told I'm going to the Ghetto and not to get stabbed. So... Pray for my safety. okay? Thanks.
Best story of my mission. ENO VISITED ME!!! <3 and="" best="" cried="" gave="" happy="" i="" it="" nbsp="" p="" permission="" president="" sat="" smart="" so="" the="" there="" was="" way="" we="" were="">
Life is good!
I was going to send an entire email with nothing but shenanigans. But expect a shenanigan letter later! :)
Send me letters, okay? it sounds like I may need them!
Loving you folks!
The Short One3>
18 October 2013
: Pday. I really don't care for Pday much. Other than e-mail. I like to email. Otherwise, it's a waste of time and there has been way too much flirting in our zone and that just makes me mad. We are missionaries, people. We are not here to get married. Just saying...
Tuesday, we also went on surprise exchanges. I LOVE surprise exchanges (Note: I do not love surprise exchanges. Tuesday was the day I was most excited for in our week.)
Actually, exchanges ended up not being too bad. We picked up some people in the other girls' area for them and we met a bunch of fun people. There was a little girl who told me I was getting married to Kevin. This same little girl a few weeks ago said that Kevin was Satan. So... I'm marrying Satan. That's good, right?... yikes.
I love my boots. I've been wanting to wear my rain boots my whole mission!!
We had an awkward dinner where our YSA invited us over. His Grandma, who he lives with, invited her missionaries. Well, we're not supposed to eat dinner with other missionaries. So... That was grand. Awkward. It was funny though.
We had the best dinner ever! She was HILARIOUS! I love her! She washed our grapes with Bleach. mmmm sanitary...
Part of it was her Agency (Sometimes I feel like taking people's agency away... Then Pack reminds me not to be Satan) Part was because we allowed there to be a month between her baptism and confirmation... So... That blows.
10 October 2013
My comp tolerates me most days. Some days, not so much. But it is what it is. We teach well together and people keep thinking we've known each other for ever. So that's what really matters, right?
We have that blessing too. We have a Prophet and Apostles and the Spirit who warn us of dangers. They give us signs that seem impossible. Who would think that the sea would disappear? Who would imagine that a wall of water would be coming to destroy you? Who would believe the words of men who "probably don't know."
Obedience is the price,
Faith is the power,
Love is the motive,
The Spirit is the key,
Christ is the reason.
16 September 2013
Mom! Thanks for the stamps!
02 September 2013
25 August 2013
(Brother Edit: Sorry for the delay folks, lost Dibe's info. Here's last weeks email! Her Prep days are Mondays, so, there should be a new update tomorrow or Tuesday)
05 August 2013
Holy cow, I'm in California!!!
20 July 2013
14 July 2013
Things I wish I had known three months ago.
· Stop. Look around. Enjoy the ride.
• It's okay to be a prospective missionary, terrified and unsure
• It's okay to be disappointed and confused
• Satan is a jerk.
• Don't expect things to get better. They don't get easier. Satan does NOT want me to be a missionary. He will try to break me. He will not play fair or play nice.
• It's normal to wish Satan had a body so you can punch him in the throat. But hey. You have a throat. He doesn't.
• Budget your time in the beginning and you'll be fine.
• You may think Goodbyes will be easy. They won't be. Buy tissue. Cry. It's fine.
• Go to the Temple. A lot. You will find so much extra peace. Seriously. Go.
• Go again to the Temple.
• There is no such thing as praying too much. Accept that challenge. Pray a lot.
• You will feel like a huge failure. Missionaries sin too. Get back up and keep going.
• Satan knows your weaknesses. He will use them mercilessly against you.
• Don't give up. Don't quit trying. You keep walking. You keep moving ... there are blessings and help ahead. (Pssst. At the Temple!)
• lead with your faith. Trusting is hard. But it pays off. Trust Him. He's loves you.
• Spend time with family.
• Love the ride. It's a tough one, but it can be okay!
I am down to 3 days before I enter the MTC, 2 days before I fly out to Utah and one day before I get set apart. I am both terrified and so excited!
Terrified because I've never been a natural teacher. Excited because I get to learn.
Terrified because I have no idea what I'm doing.
Excited to serve the Lord.
Terrified to screw up.
Excited to get to succeed.
Terrified of things being harder than my ability to keep up.
Excited to get stronger.
Terrified of being the companion that everyone is afraid of.
Excited to have that companion that everyone loves.
Terrified to leave behind everything I know.
Excited to meet new challenges.
Terrified of not being good enough
Excited to get stronger.
I am ready to love the people of California.
I have been abundantly blessed - the Lord has placed people in my path who have eased my fears and concerns.
I am ready. Scared or not.
16 June 2013
Today is the day that we celebrate fathers.
We celebrate all that they do for us. Fathers are unsung heroes. They don't always get the praise and love they deserve.
My father wasn't there. And for a long time, that really bummed me out. It took a while for me to realize that the Lord knew that I didn't have an earthly Father figure who was biologically connected to me.
So He put so many men in my life to teach me that which I needed and wanted.
My Mom, who was both mom and dad. She taught me so much about making your own future and not getting stuck in self pity or worry. To trudge forward and do what needs to be done.
Uncle Johnny. Mom's youngest brother. He and I have always been close. Our relationship has always been special to me. He is the man that I never want to disappoint. That I always want to impress and who will always be there when I need a leg up in the world. He is one of my favorite people in the entire world.
There have been many surrogate father figures. Friends' fathers. People who have genuinely cared. For them I am grateful.
But the blessing of Fathers has reached beyond that. I work in a male-dominate career where I am both smaller than all my coworkers but not as strong. And each partner I've had, has shown me a little more about men.
Most recently, my last two partners have shown me not just how loving fathers should be, but how loving men should treat others. And how husbands should talk about their wives, when the wife isn't around.
It is a true testament to me about the love of men when I see how kind and loving men are to those around them.
So. Thank you men. Thank you for stepping up without even realizing it. Thank you for being so amazing and being such examples as to what a good man is and what a good man does.
This fathers day, I honor the fathers in my life. And I honor the men who aren't yet fathers.
Finally, for the Father in Heaven who has loved me, when I wasn't lovable. Who answered my prayers, when I had no idea what to ask for. Who never gave up on me, even when I had given up long before. For my Heavenly Father, who offered His Son, who in turn walked with me through hell, and saw me safely through to the other side (and then healed the traumas, the broken soul and the terror.) For my Heavenly Father whose only desire is to see me succeed and see me again, and offers me the path to do so. Who forgives me when I don't deserve it. And who "wastes" time on someone like me. It's hard to believe that God, the most impressive and powerful and incredible being ever, would spend even a second on someone that doesn't matter. With that logic, I must matter to Him.
I wish "thanks" were enough. Today, when I'm sorely tempted to feel sad that my father wasn't there, or that now he's dead. When I'm tempted to feel hurt that my grandfather is gone, I can't help but feel so loved by the Father who never left. Who never hurt.
I am blessed.
13 June 2013
26 May 2013
Things are tough. As the days drag closer to the mission, I anticipate it getting more difficult. Honestly, that surprises me. Satan attacks those he knows will do well. Those who will greatly thwart his plan in destroying Father's plan. I am not a teacher, by any means. I am argumentative, not often sensitive to the needs of others. I have read the Standard Works, but can I quote them or even locate scriptures when I need to? Nope. I can't speak in public without sounding exceptionally awkward (unless you want to hear about Grandma getting tased or getting pulled over.) In short, I am not a missionary.
So why is Satan wasting time on me? I don't really anticipate being able to put a crazy dent in his plan to lead the Children of Men astray. I just think it's funny that Satan, the one whose goal is to destroy everyone and to make us all miserable like himself, believes in my ability to be a missionary then I do. That's just funny. And sad. Haha, and awkward.
Satan is doing a good job of stressing me out. Finances. Selling my car. Packing things up. Making sure I have everything I need. Then on top of that, he's doing his best to make me doubt myself. Not that I'm supposed to go on a mission - I know that I am. It's one of the few things in life that I actually do know. But in me. Errant thoughts of things like "Yikes, a good mormon probably wouldn't have had 4 Dr. Pepper's this afternoon." or "That would have been a perfect missionary opportunity." but not noticing until after the person has walked away. Oops. Or "well, that person must never have wanted to hang out with me in the first place. What must be wrong with me?"
These aren't thoughts I normally have! My former (like 4 formers, but that's splitting hairs) had their entire bathroom decorated in Dr. Pepper motif!
You know what, I'm not a missionary yet. The point is to learn to recognize those moments (in time) and then learn to act on them. It's okay not to be there today.
If that person doesn't want to hang out with me, that's okay.
When I was younger, I had a huge chip on my shoulder. Partly because of my past, and partly from teenage angst but I really felt like I related to that song by Mark Willis, "Don't laugh at me" At one point the song says, "You don't have to be my friend, if it's too much to ask." Yeah. That was me. I had a few friends. And while I yearned to be a part of a group, any group. I wasn't. I didn't know how to reach out. I didn't know how to be a friend. Some people are content being alone. I was not one of those. I wasn't just alone, I was intensely lonely. But I learned to let go a little. Realized that I couldn't control everything. Learned to trust the people around me, even if just a little. I started having friends.
Then life got complicated again. My world shattered, hard and fast a bunch of times in a short period of time. Friends were dying, dropping like flies around me; killed in tragic accidents, suicide, alcohol poisoning. I was attacked. My best friends' Grandpa died (who was so much more my grandfather then anyone else had been at that point.) My Grams died. Later, that same best friends' dad (who again, was more father then I'd ever had) died, followed a few short weeks later by my own dad. Then I was attacked again. And twice, the legal system failed me. Both times, I was left to deal with injustice alone. And I clamped inward again. (I like to think that before this life, I must have gotten into a line saying that I was going to get all of my bad days out of the way really early.) Starting from square one. Eventually, I pushed through. I pulled myself out of.. myself. I learned that I'm not like most people my age. This is where Satan gets me. I look at people around me who are always hanging out on the weekends, and I see my ward doing so well with bonding. And I sometimes feel an intense longing. Satan whispers that I don't belong. That I don't fit in. They don't understand me, that they think I'm boring.
I have to remind myself that it's okay. It's okay to be different. I'm a lot more serious by nature. I'm not that person that will ask what's going on this weekend, in hopes to be invited to the party. I won't ask you to sit by me in church. I won't ask for a ride (unless it's 2 am, and walking home would be dumb and unsafe.) I'm not that girl that will invite herself into a conversation. In all honesty, I don't really enjoy parties. I like small groups. Movie nights, game nights. I'm all in for those (and will shamelessly invite myself over for those!)
And again, I'm surprised by how much Satan must believe in me, because really? I'm not that awesome. I can time a joke (sometimes) and am a formidable foe when it comes to prank wars. I feel like I don't give extremely lame hugs. (Need a hug? I've got those!) and once I'm really comfortable around you, you'll probably see shenanigans and silliness.
In all honesty, I worry about the future. If Satan is trying this hard now to break me, what will the future hold? My mission is either going to make me, or break me. Yikes!
I've learned some pretty great things though,
Up until recently, I didn't see any kind of dating or marriage in my future. Partially because the drama of it all is way beyond me. I don't dig drama. But the other part because I really suck at trusting people. No really, like all people. It wasn't until January of this year that I really entertained the idea of trusting God. And if you can't trust Him, there literally is nobody you can trust. Then I went to the Temple and got to help with sealing families together for time and all eternity. (That caused a talk-of-shame with the Big guy that went something like this.
Me: "Okay, okay. I get it. This is part of the plan. I have to be obedient. I guess I COULD get married... eventually.."
*zap, zap, zap, zap, zap* (I felt like I was being tased. My heart was pounding so hard.)
Me: Okay! I got it! I take it all back. I'll get married (mumble, mumble, after the mission) It's possible!)
It's funny, I really don't have these insecurities anymore. They were a huge part of my past, but now? I'm okay with who I am. And the aspects that I don't like, I'm constantly working on changing. I am okay with being a more serious and introspective person. I am okay with not being a partier. So why am I being hit with pangs of sadness when I find out that I've been stood up for plans, or that I was not invited to a party? Because Satan believes in me more then I do.
In other news, the best conversation I've had in a while:
"Whatever, Jesus would've had a kindle if he couldve. Prolly an Iphone too."
"As a perfect texter, would He use proper grammar?"
"And if it's good enough for jesus, why wouldn't it be good enough for you?? You should really talk to someone about this!"
"Hahaha, that would settle the great Android vs Iphone debate. 'Iphone, the brand Jesus would use!'"
Anyhow, wizarding world of the world wide web. Happy Memorial Day weekend. Don't forget to remember our Vets and service people; they give up a lot, to fight for us and our freedoms. (PS. Don't spend an hour youtube-ing surprise military reunions, unless you want to cry. If you want to cry and you just can't force the tears out. Go watch.)
Thank you Veterans. Thank you active service people. Thank you for giving up YOUR time, your families and your lives, so that I can enjoy mine. Your deeds are not forgotten.