Unexpected blessings

I once again am astounded by the blessings that I am continually given, even when I don't deserve them, I haven't earned them and I'm not worthy of them. This last month of work I had a new partner. (Which really isn't that accurate, he isn't new to the company, nor was he new to me. Just new to full time with me. It was quite a month. Transfers, dead people, ghosts (I'd say ask my partner, but he really doesn't like to talk about it.), lithium over doses. Broken kids. Wheelchair calls. Drunks. Psych patients. Seriously, I was spoiled. I think I lifted the pram maybe twice. I had weekly Rockstars. And the partner put up with my quarks and shenanigans. It's weird for me. There are days where I talk a lot. Mostly to fill up the silence. There are times that I only talk when I have something to say. But instead of pushing me to open up, instead of pressing me to say what I feel, he simply let me ramble on or sit quietly. If I mumbled or talked to myself, I was often told 'speak up! I listen. I hear you.' After a long line of partners who would get tired of my incessant rambling or excessive silence, to be listened to was a change. What a blessing it was to me to have that experience. This last month, I learned to trust others, to trust myself and to trust God. The last month was tough. Saying goodbye to my friends and coworkers was hard. Saying see ya later to my career was harder. I cried when I threw away my bucket of shame. I cried when my boots followed. But you know what, it's worth giving up. It is worth giving up one of the best things in my life to enhance THE BEST thing in my life. That is, my faith. It's not easy. It really makes my heart sad. But it is so worth it. Even though it makes me sad. Elder Holland said it best in General Conference. Lead with your belief. Do not leave with your unbelief. I have been working hard to trust. Trust that I would make it out onto the mission. Trust that somehow all would work out. But I was terrified. I was afraid that I would somehow mess it all up. That despite years of work to develop skill as an EMT, and years of working hard to get through some deep rooted personal drama would all be for naught. The closer to my mission date, the more panicked I felt. The more like a failure I had become. I had quit a job with no proof that I could make it on the mission. I couldn't sell my car. I couldn't manage anything. Boy oh boy. I was a disaster. But you know what? It worked out. I was blessed in a way that I never thought I would be able to be blessed. It is such a huge testament to me of His love for me, for the people He put in my life. How did I get to be so lucky? Lord, I believe.