Why this, why now?
I have been asking myself why I want to write. Why about this? Why now?
I have learned in the last year (although most poignantly in the last several weeks) how crucial information is. In addition, how liberating it is to realize you aren't alone in your situation. This blog has been through many phases. EMT, Missionary, and now to chronicle life with Gastroparesis and Enteroparesis.
Truly, I had no idea how helpful it is to simply know that you aren't alone. Or to have someone to bounce idea and thoughts and questions afterward.
That's why. I don't understand what you are going through. That is because I am not you. I am not in your shoes. I have not experienced your experiences. You may have Gastroparesis. Maybe you have Rheumatoid Arthritis. Or Spina Bifida. Maybe you have seizures. Maybe you have Bipolar disorder or schizophrenia or PTSD or Depression. I do not understand what you are going through. But I do know what I am going through and I know it isn't easy. I also know that there is One who DOES know.
Alma 7: 11-13 says:
And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and sicknesses of his people.
And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.
Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people...
Jesus Christ had to take upon Himself our sins in order to redeem us. But our salvation did not require Him to feel every sorrow, every pain, every illness, every triumph, every success, every failure. The Spirit knows all things, which means He could have trusted the Spirit to understand how you felt and how I felt. Yet He did not. He wanted to know how we would feel at our worst and at our best. He chose that, so that He would know how to succor you and me. According to Elder Jeffrey R Holland, succor means to run to, to aid. He chose to feel everything so that He would know how to run to your aid and to my aid.
I can't promise there won't be days full of fear or frustration or anger. I can't promise to always remember to be grateful for my blessings. (Even though underneath the fear, and the frustration and the anger, I AM grateful for all that I have been blessed with!) But I promise to be real. And to follow the Spirit as to what to say, what to do and how to help.