13 January 2016

Live Like you were dying

This week in class we were assigned to write a bucket list. Coincidentally, living with Gastroparesis, people ask me frequently what I want to do before I die. 
More than anything, I want to matter. I want to leave behind a legacy. It's selfish and I know that, but I don't want to be forgotten. I want someone in the world to know that I lived.

Now don't worry, I'm not being especially morbid. I recently made a promise that I would live at least 60 more years, so I guess you all are stuck with me a while longer. 

You know, having a chronic illness has taught me a lesson about mortality. You only get one of them. But I also am learning that fear is stupid. Nervousness is stupid. How much more would I have done if I hadn't been afraid, afraid to die, afraid to fail, afraid of rejection. The good thing is, now I can live that way. I can live without fear. I firmly believe in the quote 

"Life is not a journey to the grace arriving in a well preserved, attractive body. One should show up late, skid in sideways screaming, 'WAHOOO!!! WHAT A RIDE!'" 

I want to live authentically, be me. Just me. 

And without further adu, my bucket list. 

1.Get married
2. Have children
3. Adopt a child
4. Go to Jerusalem
5. Meet the Prophet
6. See Rome
7. Walk into an Egyptian pyramid
8. Solve a mystery
9. Help someone enter the waters of baptism
10. Graduate college
11. Play the cello
12. Publish a novel
13. Help someone overcome their hell
14. Invent something epic
15. Help children with similar pasts
16. Own a monkey
17. Hug a koala
18. Ride an elephant
19. Do a handstand without breaking my head
20. Become excellent at repenting
21. Become an expert at forgiving
22. Love without fear
23. Sing to more than just the steering wheel
24. To witness someone learning of Heavenly Fathers’ love for them for the first time
25. Surf
26. Lay in a hammock, drinking a slush out of a coconut
27. Make a difference
28. Join an organization that changes lives
29. Learn 3 languages
30. Go to every temple in the country
31. Go to at least one temple per continent
32. Go to a temple dedication
33. Run a half marathon, without dying.
34. Quilt a blanket
35. Knit a neck tie (that someone would actually wear because it was awesome and not because they feel obligated to me!)
36. Watch a sunrise from the top of a mountain
37. Watch a meteor shower from the back of a pick-up
38. Go on an African Safari
39. Be actively involved in humanitarian aid efforts
40. Own a home
41. Run a day care
42. Go on a cruise
43. Go to the Wizarding world of Harry Potter
44. Go to Disneyland and ride the rides until I puke
45. Learn to let it go, the past is in the past
46. Do the Lords’ work. In any capacity. 
47. See Wicked live on stage
48. Skydive, and live
49. Matter
50. Shoot a shotgun