Peace

Peace is kind of foreign to me. Something that has been fought hard for in the last few weeks.

I never knew how much I would come to be grateful for the fight. And so soon.
I don't feel the Spirit the way I feel that most people either should or do feel the Spirit. And in times of trial, the peace the the Spirit brings is a treasured necessity. After weeks of struggling, after pulling advice from many people and meetings with anyone who would sit down with me, I felt less hopeless, but still I felt no peace.

The story here is long, so I'll cut to the chase, after weeks of struggling, of feeling like I had to go through this monster of trials without the guiding influence of the Spirit, I finally got it. It wasn't earth shattering. It wasn't life changing. It wasn't much of anything at all. But I felt... still. Despite everything; I was going to be getting off about 4 hours late, my bank account is still over drawn, my trials still are overwhelming and my life was still anything but stable. Yet, my heart was still. I wasn't panicked about finances, I wasn't struggling with trying to figure out how to fix various problems. I wasn't worried or anxious or stressed. I was still.

I had to ask, because I always trust more than one opinion for anything, but it was agreed that to feel still can be to feel the Spirit. In fact, he offered this Scripture as supportive evidence: Doctrine and Covenants 101:16 - Therefore, let you hearts be comforted concerning Zion; for all flesh is in mine hands; be still and know that I am God.


This couldn't have come at a better time, because little did I know that in less than 12 hours, history would be changed, again. In Boston, during the Boston Marathon, two bombs exploded. 130 people were injured and 3 people have died. I can only imagine the terror of that event, which is being treated as an act of terrorism. I imagine the scene as an emergency responder. You see, we have races here; marathons, 10k's and 5k's. We are put on over time and we think that maybe we'll run some heat exhaustion. Possibly we'll get the marathon C0R. Ultimately, we expect it to be an relatively easy OT shift. (well, I do anyway.) Then chaos hits. Bombs go off. Every rescuers nightmare. An MCI. Not just a dozen patients. A hundred. more then a hundred. People scream and bleed. That's just terrible.

I am so grateful today, for those who have helped me to learn peace. Who have helped me to feel comfort. And to feel still.

These two scriptures struck me the most:

And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, what even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions. Mosiah 24:14

Peace I leave unto you, my peace I give unto you, not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
John 14:27