03 April 2011
I marvel at the Miracle!!
What a weekend of blessings!
The trip to the Temple on Friday was.. incredible... to say the least. The bus ride there was an adventure!
One bus transfer place no longer exists, so I had to figure out how to find my next bus, and in the process, missed it... twice!
Then I almost was the start of a gang fight. On the bus. In downtown Denver!
Thankfully, it was a pretty painfree trip and I made it there with a few blisters and a few stories to tell! That's for sure!
Then when I got there, it was me and one other gal who were doing the ordinances. They had so many names to do ordinances for!!! It was so great! There was such a peace there that just isn't felt anywhere else. I loved it!
I'm sorry I can't remember the other gal's name, we had a fun time together, and we got to sit and talk for a while. There's something special about meeting people at the Temple.
There's something to be said about serving with others.
Other Tender Mercies:
* Ft. Collins Temple! Really! Right after going to the other Temple! Such a Tender Mercy!!!
*General Conference. So many wonderful things to hear! So many incredible things to learn!
So good!!
I am blessed!
The trip to the Temple on Friday was.. incredible... to say the least. The bus ride there was an adventure!
One bus transfer place no longer exists, so I had to figure out how to find my next bus, and in the process, missed it... twice!
Then I almost was the start of a gang fight. On the bus. In downtown Denver!
Thankfully, it was a pretty painfree trip and I made it there with a few blisters and a few stories to tell! That's for sure!
Then when I got there, it was me and one other gal who were doing the ordinances. They had so many names to do ordinances for!!! It was so great! There was such a peace there that just isn't felt anywhere else. I loved it!
I'm sorry I can't remember the other gal's name, we had a fun time together, and we got to sit and talk for a while. There's something special about meeting people at the Temple.
There's something to be said about serving with others.
Other Tender Mercies:
* Ft. Collins Temple! Really! Right after going to the other Temple! Such a Tender Mercy!!!
*General Conference. So many wonderful things to hear! So many incredible things to learn!
So good!!
I am blessed!
31 March 2011
Homeward Bound again.
In the quiet misty morning
When the moon has gone to bed
When the sparrows stop their singing
I'll be homeward bound again.
Then the wind will set me racing
As my journey nears its end
And the path I'll be retracing
When I'm homeward bound again.
I still can't answer why the death of our patient last week bothered me as much as it did. I've seen death before. I've watched my own family members die. And I'd never had sorrow quite like that. I still can't answer why I was blessed to come back to work so early, to experience this call.
A week ago, she began retracing her steps. Tomorrow, she will be laid to rest. She is Homeward bound again. At the end of the day, how can I be sad about that? She is homeward bound again. I don't have sorrow for her. I hurt for her family, for her friends. for the facility staff. for us.
But despite the pain, there is joy.
The sure provisions of my God
Attend me all my days.
O may Thy house be my abode,
And all my work be praise.
There would I find a settled rest,
While others go and come.
No more a stranger nor a guest,
But like a child at home.
So while her family lays her to rest, tomorrow. I'll be at the Temple. A place where I found settled rest.
I am grateful for those Tender Mercies. I am grateful for the knowledge of this life eternal.
I am blessed.
When the moon has gone to bed
When the sparrows stop their singing
I'll be homeward bound again.
Then the wind will set me racing
As my journey nears its end
And the path I'll be retracing
When I'm homeward bound again.
I still can't answer why the death of our patient last week bothered me as much as it did. I've seen death before. I've watched my own family members die. And I'd never had sorrow quite like that. I still can't answer why I was blessed to come back to work so early, to experience this call.
A week ago, she began retracing her steps. Tomorrow, she will be laid to rest. She is Homeward bound again. At the end of the day, how can I be sad about that? She is homeward bound again. I don't have sorrow for her. I hurt for her family, for her friends. for the facility staff. for us.
But despite the pain, there is joy.
The sure provisions of my God
Attend me all my days.
O may Thy house be my abode,
And all my work be praise.
There would I find a settled rest,
While others go and come.
No more a stranger nor a guest,
But like a child at home.
So while her family lays her to rest, tomorrow. I'll be at the Temple. A place where I found settled rest.
I am grateful for those Tender Mercies. I am grateful for the knowledge of this life eternal.
I am blessed.
27 March 2011
The Return!
Well, my first shift back was... memorable. I am so grateful, and so excited to be back. I can also say that this shift was easily the most difficult shift I've ever had.
The first day was so good. One transfer, nothing else exciting went down, we met a lovely lady who was very nice. We woke up once at night to do a long(er) transfer of a psych patient, who was genuinely crazy-pants, but a very friendly and cooperative, albeit talkative crazy-pants.
A tone dropped in the early hours of the morning for a fire, which we didn't have to go with on, gratefully. I was tired. Soon thereafter, a transfer came in. It was an urgent to go to a local nursing home. Our dispatch information was "hypoxia with difficulty breathing." Mind you, we're being asked by the facility/insurance to come in non-emergent (which means not lights and sirens) and what's more, we had half an hour to respond.
We get there and our patient is sick. Clearly, sick. A slight nose bleed was all the untrained eye would see. To us, we saw pale, cyanotic, terror. She knew she was going to die. We feared it. A few short minutes later confirmed what we already suspected, we were racing against time. Paperwork dictated that she did not want any extraordinary measures taken to preserve her life.
Soon, she was coughing copious amounts of dried blood from her lungs.
Time to go... Now
As we transferred her from her bed to ours, something changed.
We began fastening the safty belts and she grasped my wrist firmly in her hand. "Help me... please" she whispered.
"We're going to do everything we can for you, okay dear? Now don't you worry now! You're in good hands." I tried to console. Then it happened. Her jaw clenched and her eyes closed.
No visible breathing. No palpable coratid pulse. DNR in hand. We were done.
I prayed for comfort for my partner and I, for the staff, for her roommate, and for her family. I prayed a lot. And yet I struggled. How can it be that I was blessed to come back 4 weeks early, just to have my heart ripped up with this call. In all accounts, this is considered a tame call. We were bound by the law to not work this arrest. That means the loss wasn't ours. It was the laws. right?
Still, I watched a daughter, a grandmother, a mother, a friend, a sister, a person a child of God suffer. In a way I hope I never have to suffer.
We win some, we lose some. Thursday, we lost.
I can't say whether we could have saved her or not, had we been legally permitted to try. I couldn't tell you if any attempts would or would not have bene in vain. That's not my place to make that statement.
I know that peace and comfort are available when it's requested.
I may not know why I was blessed to come back to work for this shift. But I do know that He knows, and I can't ask for much more than that. I trust Him. I choose faith over fear. I choose faith over tears. He knows why I needed to be there for that call, I trust that it will give me experience and be for my good.
I am grateful for the Plan of Happiness. I'm grateful to know that this isn't the end. How hopeless life would be to not have that knowledge.
Still, this isn't a call I'm likely forget anytime soon. I wish I could have done more.
The first day was so good. One transfer, nothing else exciting went down, we met a lovely lady who was very nice. We woke up once at night to do a long(er) transfer of a psych patient, who was genuinely crazy-pants, but a very friendly and cooperative, albeit talkative crazy-pants.
A tone dropped in the early hours of the morning for a fire, which we didn't have to go with on, gratefully. I was tired. Soon thereafter, a transfer came in. It was an urgent to go to a local nursing home. Our dispatch information was "hypoxia with difficulty breathing." Mind you, we're being asked by the facility/insurance to come in non-emergent (which means not lights and sirens) and what's more, we had half an hour to respond.
We get there and our patient is sick. Clearly, sick. A slight nose bleed was all the untrained eye would see. To us, we saw pale, cyanotic, terror. She knew she was going to die. We feared it. A few short minutes later confirmed what we already suspected, we were racing against time. Paperwork dictated that she did not want any extraordinary measures taken to preserve her life.
Soon, she was coughing copious amounts of dried blood from her lungs.
Time to go... Now
As we transferred her from her bed to ours, something changed.
We began fastening the safty belts and she grasped my wrist firmly in her hand. "Help me... please" she whispered.
"We're going to do everything we can for you, okay dear? Now don't you worry now! You're in good hands." I tried to console. Then it happened. Her jaw clenched and her eyes closed.
No visible breathing. No palpable coratid pulse. DNR in hand. We were done.
I prayed for comfort for my partner and I, for the staff, for her roommate, and for her family. I prayed a lot. And yet I struggled. How can it be that I was blessed to come back 4 weeks early, just to have my heart ripped up with this call. In all accounts, this is considered a tame call. We were bound by the law to not work this arrest. That means the loss wasn't ours. It was the laws. right?
Still, I watched a daughter, a grandmother, a mother, a friend, a sister, a person a child of God suffer. In a way I hope I never have to suffer.
We win some, we lose some. Thursday, we lost.
I can't say whether we could have saved her or not, had we been legally permitted to try. I couldn't tell you if any attempts would or would not have bene in vain. That's not my place to make that statement.
I know that peace and comfort are available when it's requested.
I may not know why I was blessed to come back to work for this shift. But I do know that He knows, and I can't ask for much more than that. I trust Him. I choose faith over fear. I choose faith over tears. He knows why I needed to be there for that call, I trust that it will give me experience and be for my good.
I am grateful for the Plan of Happiness. I'm grateful to know that this isn't the end. How hopeless life would be to not have that knowledge.
Still, this isn't a call I'm likely forget anytime soon. I wish I could have done more.
23 March 2011
"the invisibility booster must be faulty!"
That chair is laced with a sleeping potion. This became apparent when I learned that there are magical folk lurking, I'm onto you, wizards of station 1. I'm onto you....
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22 March 2011
The Great Return!
Well! I made it! I'm going back to work in the morning! And I couldn't be happier! I am so so excited! I love that I get to go do the ambulance thing again.
But you know what? I've learned something important over the last 9 weeks. I am not defined by what I do. Sure, I'm an EMT. I love my job. I love that I get to be around people all the time, and it's one of those jobs where I really get a chance to make a difference. To matter. To somebody. But that's not WHO I am. If my job ended tomorrow, I'd be upset, probably pretty devastated. But, I am more than an EMT.
It's funny, I had a partner a while back that would sit and talk with me about some pretty deep things. (He and I used to have some awesome debates) and we discussed how the worst trials end up being the best blessings. And I always forget that when I'm going through the trial. But then after, I realize how essential it was to changing me. And I'm all for changing, so long as it's for the best.
I cursed my luck after my knee injury. I was stressed and worried and upset and about a million other emotions, most of them not so pleasant. It was a huge trial of faith.
Trust. That is something I don't do. For anyone really. It's just how it is. It's who I am. I'm always determined to make it on my own. These last 9 weeks have been a real challenge to let go of a lot of that pride to really figure out who I am. And you know what, I wouldn't trade a second of it! I am so grateful for the last 9 weeks, for the time it's taken me to learn who I am, and to grow closer to my Father in Heaven, to grow closer to my family. It's been a blessing indeed.
And blessing that I'm back to work 3-4 weeks early! What!!
I have been blessed, with more than I deserve!
But you know what? I've learned something important over the last 9 weeks. I am not defined by what I do. Sure, I'm an EMT. I love my job. I love that I get to be around people all the time, and it's one of those jobs where I really get a chance to make a difference. To matter. To somebody. But that's not WHO I am. If my job ended tomorrow, I'd be upset, probably pretty devastated. But, I am more than an EMT.
It's funny, I had a partner a while back that would sit and talk with me about some pretty deep things. (He and I used to have some awesome debates) and we discussed how the worst trials end up being the best blessings. And I always forget that when I'm going through the trial. But then after, I realize how essential it was to changing me. And I'm all for changing, so long as it's for the best.
I cursed my luck after my knee injury. I was stressed and worried and upset and about a million other emotions, most of them not so pleasant. It was a huge trial of faith.
Trust. That is something I don't do. For anyone really. It's just how it is. It's who I am. I'm always determined to make it on my own. These last 9 weeks have been a real challenge to let go of a lot of that pride to really figure out who I am. And you know what, I wouldn't trade a second of it! I am so grateful for the last 9 weeks, for the time it's taken me to learn who I am, and to grow closer to my Father in Heaven, to grow closer to my family. It's been a blessing indeed.
And blessing that I'm back to work 3-4 weeks early! What!!
I have been blessed, with more than I deserve!
16 March 2011
Fear, faith and insurance policies
What a stressful day today has been... I did really poorly in PT. Really poorly. I made it through about a quarter of my exercises before my physical therapist demanded that I stop. Discouraged and embarassed by my unexplained inability to finish my 45 minute exercise, I limped home. I scowled at the world, there is no way to pass the lift test if it goes at all like physical therapy today. All day I've held onto that poor disposition. why?
I go tomorrow to get the official clearance to go back to work, and made several phone calls to ensure the possibiltiy of returning to work a total of 4 weeks early!
This means I've already been put back on the schedule, whoch means that my replacement emt has already been scheduled elsewhere. people are relying on my return. Not to mension the pride of returning so much earlier, it's quite the conundrum.
Then I walked in the door, just to have to deal with the drama of insirance policies and medical bureaucracy.
All that being said, I choose faith over fear, faith over uncertainty. I love that with faith, you don't have to have all the answers, you just trust that everything will work out the way the way it needs to work out. If I'm not supposed to be back, I won't pass. If I am, simply, I will.
Still,if I do fail, there will be lots of cookie dough in my immediate future..
I go tomorrow to get the official clearance to go back to work, and made several phone calls to ensure the possibiltiy of returning to work a total of 4 weeks early!
This means I've already been put back on the schedule, whoch means that my replacement emt has already been scheduled elsewhere. people are relying on my return. Not to mension the pride of returning so much earlier, it's quite the conundrum.
Then I walked in the door, just to have to deal with the drama of insirance policies and medical bureaucracy.
All that being said, I choose faith over fear, faith over uncertainty. I love that with faith, you don't have to have all the answers, you just trust that everything will work out the way the way it needs to work out. If I'm not supposed to be back, I won't pass. If I am, simply, I will.
Still,if I do fail, there will be lots of cookie dough in my immediate future..
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