I've drafted this no fewer than 15 times, trying to find the word to describe how I feel, what's been going on and where things in life have taken me. And as always, the words are never quite enough.
Obviously, I'm home from the mission. Some days, I feel okay, most days, I feel like I've grieving over the death of someone I love. It's a bizarre feeling. Though, I'm happy to say that through Christ's enabling power, lots of prayer and many tears, I'm feeling less like a failure every day. Missions begin and missions end. Mine ended, albeit, earlier than I would have preferred.
At first, I felt like I was the scum of the earth. I failed my mission. Can't I get anything right? Whew, that Satan is good. He knows how to kick you when you're down. I immediately disregarded all that I was able to do. The lessons I helped teach. The children of God I was able to influence, and mostly, those who influenced me.
I'm happy now to say that I have learned that my calling is no less than it was before. It may not be at the battles front, yet my Lord will have need of me.
So I accomplished a major bullet on my bucket list: serve a full time mission. (This one was added shortly before my mission, convenient, yeah?)
Here are some bucket list bullets now:
• Become a Primary pianist
• skydive. And live. (Key aspect.)
• Earn a Master's degree.
• Visit a foreign country.
• go to Jerusalem (so technically, the previous goal is visit multiple foreign countries)
• Be fluent in 3 languages
• Meet the Prophet
• Meet Elder Holland
• See the pyramids. The ones in Egypt
• Sing in front of a crowd, and not suck
• Publish something awesome!
• Go surfing
• Ride a roller coaster 3 times in a row
• Go to Disneyland (where I ride a roller coaster 3 times in a row.)
• Go see Wicked, live, on stage!
• Quilt a blanket.
